One of the hardest things about seeing Reality as it is without a mind cover has been Seen. Honesty was always a vasana from the beginning. I lied and became a master of lies. Working the program of recovery allowed me to transcend this behavior embedded in the personality and actions of myself. But the ROOT the DEEP core of this vasana was exposed and painfully seen without the aid of a mind cover today. To Thine Own Self Be True is NOT just about my actions and behaviors. Honest reflection takes away the false sense of security that veiled the painful truth and created the false projection. It showed me people loved me when they didn’t, overlooking actions with a hopeful desperate commentator. People that were trusted when all actions showed they were not to be. Relying on the irresponsible to be responsible, and believing through a delusional hope that they would become so, by my belief and reliance in them. This also was a prison and a way for the power to be fed to the egoistic sense so that it could color Reality to be more “acceptable”. The more Truth is revealed and the false veil removed, the more it is seen why it was clung too to begin with. Yet of course as the existence of the egoistic sense itself was false, the ONLY way it could provide a “translation” of the world was through an additional layer of falseness. Rather than seeing things as they are and just accepting and then altering the course of action based on the Reality as it is, it veils the Truth in a “comfortable” package. Yet when actions are taken based on this false sense of security the map over the map leads to pain and suffering until finally the map is seen in a moment as a blurred line and inquiry is made “what is that?”. The more the focus on the line underneath, the more the top map is seen as a screen over the original. The True map is given attention and focus and the apparent veil of differing paths and lines is blurred. When the new map, the True map, is earnestly followed and the path is no longer just a maze with no end, that old map seems to just melt and the spot marked home states you are here. Thank You God for this Seeing.
Journal Entry July 8, 2015
So many blessings You continue to pour out. Thank You God this life is Yours. In January began Chidananda Rupa Shivoham in addition to morning and evening prayers. As of 1st of July seem to be drifting away from previous conventional readings and prayers and have begun the Tukaram 12 Abhanga’s along with the Shivoham as sung in the Ashram. Reading Selfless Self for the fifth time and experience of non-experience in each moment seems quite naturally the new norm. Tonight I observed myself hand washing the Kurtas that I had purchased for the trip and dressing in the Ashram. Thank You. Every moment is fresh and alive with no stories drawing attention, mind is quiet and general happiness, bliss and peace are expanding from within. Listening to the Ashram Bhajans to and from work while reading Selfless Self. Thank You. I downloaded a new picture from Facebook today printed it and posted it on the wall at my desk. I see You, and each moment leads me to You in the form of Sri Ramakant Maharaj. India Visa came back in email approved. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti om. RAJA-DHI-RAJ-SADGURUNATH-SHRI-RAMAKANT-MAHARAJ-KI-JAY!
Thank You God. There are no words to express the Great Gift You bestowed by allowing through Your Grace the life You chose for John Richards. Today 5 years sober by Your Grace. The spiritual journey back to You that You have majestically allowed to manifest, planning trip to see Sri Ramakant Maharaj in August, You the Presence in form that I may Thank for the life, and be able to express and show gratitude for knowing You and serving You in this way. Thank You God, Thank You.
Thank You God for this amazing day. Went to get passport today for the trip to India. Thank You. You have guided me and helped me grow so much since the frightened child afraid of his own shadow. Your power surges through every atom of my Being, I am so very grateful for this life. Tonight you spoke with me in the form of Robin and really let me know that everything is as it should be, a personal matter had come about and another doubt had risen. You also showed by speaking through Robin the fact that if ego, or specialness is taken that the chance to dialogue with you will be reduced as their will be a filter of me and other that will be clouded the dialogue with the idea of persons talking. God Thank You for showing me this valuable lesson that I am always in a two way communication with You, it’s just You, You listen and speak through each and every Being. Please grant that I may remain humble enough to hear You speaking always without the filter of ego ruining it. The amazing sensation that You are always there, behind the eyes and ears of everyone went from an idea or belief in the possibility to a deep conviction in the Heart. Sometimes when I don’t remember this it seems to show again. Colleen, Berkeley, Mike, Rob, Don, Liz all were You and I recognized this by Your Grace. I just have to listen with open Heart and a Deep Knowing.
Forgive me Lord I am experiencing some bouts of self pity in the moment. The idea came to write a gratitude list as the blessings have been abundantly flowing and I wanted to give thanks on record. India Trip – Got tickets, Charles said I can stay in the Ashram for the month of August, Maharaj Book Selfless Self and Skyping with Maharaj, and I know it is You I am speaking with and we are about to meet in form. Thank You. Work is going beyond amazing. There is spontaneous responding and scenes just passing without notice or concern. Charles has said that 50 Million Saints and Sadhus (Holy Men) will be in Nashik, which is only every 12 years that this happens, and I will BE THERE WITH YOU taking initiation into the Inchegiri Navnath Sampradaya!!! Thank You God. Please forgive me for showing any ingratitude or self pity. I Thank You deeply for the life You chose to live as me. Thank You for the Grace, Love and Peace that is You.
Thank You God for the amazing transformations that have been witnessed occurring this week. You have shown the way to a patient peace where there is no waiting as the only thought that comes is after whatever is being waited on is here. I will not be thinking about waiting, therefore the idea of waiting is seen as false and is discarded. After skyping with Maharaj the spontaneous action planning a trip to India for a month to sit with You in the form of Sri Ramakant Maharaj has manifested. The random picking of August and my manager at work thanking me for for going at a time in between project cycles is again proof of perfect order. You have already bestowed (subconsciouly and intuitively, Sri Ramakant Maharaj had not yet given the Naam Mantra) the powerful Mantra ‘Yo Sau Soham Hamsa Soham Asmi’ which the subconscious is chanting continuously in the background of every activity and which arises when no activity is occurring. The dead mind is an ocean of silent peace and has grown immensely in depth. As You have blessed me with revealing yourself in the form of Sri Ramakant Maharaj through Skype and Facebook their is the constant flow of knowledge which is perceived at the most subtle level. Moments of difficulty arise, are briefly noticed and then again subside back into the ocean of peace. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
Thank You God! Today I was able to Skype with Sri Ramakant Maharaj feeling the energy flowing freely and the mind completely dead. Meeting You without fear or expectation. Hearing you speak after having been guided by you internally as the sense of Presence since 2010 and knowing immediately that it was You and I was not crazy. The fear is illusion, fear leaves, absolute peace, silence, quietness. This is the Reality now, Thank You. Speaking with You as Sri Ramakant Maharaj today allowed me to see in retrospect that the Spirit or Presence which was felt for the first time in October of 2010, was nourished through the program of recovery, was truly guiding and molding my life as I surrendered more deeply to the Presence. That Presence that led me to read I Am That, Master of Self-Realization and had slowly been removing my ignorance was indeed my Self, which I was meeting with and talking with for the first time in the form of Sri Ramakant Maharaj. What A Blessing and Gift. Aham Brahmasmi…. Tat Tvam Asi…. Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Om…. Thy Will Always Be Done… Thanks Be to God!